The List
A transcendental being from the 9th dimension of the iris of Cyrus appeared before me during a existential crises.
The Transcendental Being
The crises in question? How long will the needle full of Red Dead Redemption 2 be hooked up to my veins. Seeing more of digital nature than I will see natural nature in my lifetime. The digital sun has sunburned my eyes more so than the real sun has burned my skin. My mind melting into my body and rummaging through my body before being jettisoned out of my sphincter. This transcendental being though came to save me...or so I first thought.
Instead he just slowed the injection down so that I could clear up my mind and give space to the true love of life; the moving pictures. But this wasn't much of a welcome either since he unraveled a mile long sheet of toilet paper with every single film I haven't seen yet written down. The insanity of the small inch sized titles that filled the doo doo paper I couldn't comprehend. The being in question justified the madness by mentioning that he had met a French aristocrat stuck in a French tower long ago that was writing the greatest story on similar material and got the idea from him.
The Frenchman He Met
Just my motherfucking luck. Who knew being an asshole can transcend dimensions? And so with the Red Dead Redemption Black Tar Heroin running looser in the veins, I was told to pick a movie that I have yet to see.
I closed my eyes and ran down the mile length of toilet paper. Falling down and eating shit around the Q's and landing with my thumb breaking on the title Split Second. The being nodded in approval like Mister Miagi at the end of The Karate Kid then disappeared.
And so it goes this is how I came upon viewing the 1992 Rutger Hauer starring film Split Second.
Coming Attractions
So at what level of excitement can be gauged by this unknown film that has crossed my path? I'd say a solid 4/10. I have no clue on who the director is, nor the writer, nor much of anyone involved production wise except for Stephen Norrington. This being the same Stephen Norrington that directed the greatest Marvel movie; Blade as well as the not so great comic book movie The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen. Apparently he worked on the special effects surrounding the main monster. So that gets 1 point. The other 3 points goes to Rutger Hauer being the star of the picture.
For some reason, at the time this Blu-ray was purchased, I was on a strange Rutger Hauer kick. Why did I need to watch some Rutger Hauer films? No clue but I had a hankering. Looking through his filmography, there were a couple that seemed to catch my interest: Wanted: Dead or Alive, Blind Fury, Night Hawks, and Split Second. Being that I was on a budget of a minuscule amount, I could only make it a double feature instead of the dream coming true double double feature.
But first off, let me just give a quick shout out to 3 very fantastic Rutger Hauer films; The first two are Soldier of Orange and Flesh + Blood. Two films directed by Paul Verhoeven that are so far away from each other as far as plot and setting with one being a WW2 Epic and the other being a Medieval adventure but both stick with a plot in a very hard hitting way and should be seen. The 3rd film is Hobo With A Shotgun which is just a fantastic gory good time about a Hobo fighting crime one shell at a time.
Then there's a very special special shout-out for the film Legend of the Holy Drinker. If you have any enjoyment in watching a great performance then you should go see that and give the novella from Joseph Roth a read because its great as well.
.JPG)
And so, while I still await the pre-order announcement of The Hitcher, this film as well as Night Hawks have crossed my brain enough to attend the annual blood rite of buying movies off of the internet. So it was a bit of a blind buy but I figured it should be a fun low budget movie time.
Showtime
In the not too distant future that was now 14 years ago in the year 2008, Global Warming has hit the world hard with London now being in a constant flood that now has caused rats to become an infestation problem. Is this a strong plot point throughout the film? Sort of. It at least explains why everyone has to waddle through big puddles of water.
In this flooded London city, there is 1 loose cannon detective by the name of Harley Stone wearing his leather jacket like a G that is too loose for the standards of the London Police Department but not too loose to getting kicked off the force.
The Quintessential Loose Cannon
Stone is on the hunt for a serial killer but he isn't all that great at his job as evident with the piling body count of victims throughout the film but goddammit does he live on the edge to hunt down this ruthless motherfucker.
I mean, he's real bad at his job. The first victim literally asks him to watch out for her as she goes number 2 in a nightclub bathroom but his addiction to coffee comes first and he leaves his post just in time for the killer to strike again by making a mess in the woman's bathroom and eating out the victims heart. Out of Order sign soon to follow.
Stone lives his life on the edge since the killer had killed his partner all those years ago. He feels guilty over his death but he also feels even more guilty being that he was having an affair with his partners wife at that moment of his death.
So he's on the hunt for the killer and he ends up with a partner by the Dick Durkin who is too smart for his own good and apparently has a sex drive set in overdrive. The two get along like a subpar Riggs and Murtaugh as the movie goes on but by the end, they almost reach that level of Lethal Weapon camaraderie.
The killer keeps on killing and leaving weird occult signs to create the idea that this killer is a true methodical killer by using such crazy images. Harley Stone can't understand it but he can feel the killer since he has a psychic connection with the motherfucker but luckily Dick Durkin is a smart guy and helps solve that mystery.
There is a love affair between Harley and his partners widow that goes nowhere interesting but works for the plot beats.
The ending comes along where the killer reveals itself and logic completely disappears as soon as the killer turns out to be the aborted fetus of the Xenomorph from Aliens.
How this killer knows about the occult and manages to apply it? Not a clue. How does this killer have fingerprints to plant the idea that every victim's DNA is a part of him? No idea. How the fuck does the killer hold and use a shotgun? Never explained. But then again, at THIS point in the film you either are rolling with the punches or have lost it by the time the apartment shootout happens.
A sort of confrontation occurs with the two cops shooting the shit out of the monster. They shoot up the monster in a abandoned railway car. Then Stone grabs an industrial grade electrical wire and fry the monster. Stone rips out the heart of the monster and hears the screaming pain of his victims inside the black heart while his partner Dick Deckard shoot up the monster to pulp. Stone shoots the heart and they go back to their lives as cops in a flooded world.
The Big Sigh
It was a sort of fun picture overall. Rutger Haur is always good even if the movie isn't the greatest.
Another highlight is the low budget future appeal. For the low budget future look that has filled the low rent cinemas and video rental shelves for years and years, this film manages to pull off a low budget look that reminded me a bit of 'Escape from New York' which is fun but I wouldn't go too far in the compliment since the film doesn't go the distance in showing future London in dismay. We just get the back ends and alleyways full of water and neon but nonetheless, the overall look of it is good enough to please me. So fuck you. I'm kidding. Or am I?
The music I sure can't remember but hearing it in the main menu and such, it sounds okay. Music is always a problem to look over after watching the film because it either manages to stick out or gets stuck behind the dialogue/sound to the point where it can't make an impression. Some scores stick out and some don't. This one doesn't but maybe I should give it a listen to itself and see how that works. Consider this section up in the air until further notice.
The biggest piece of praise probably goes to the special effects. This being a low budget effect movie, the special effects are always up in the air regarding quality and this movie pulls it off. Regardless of the lack of logical sense regarding the monster to the plot, the monster itself is A OK. I still stand by my early description of the monster looking like a abortion of the Xenomorph from Alien but that's totally fine here. Also, the gory good of people having their chest ripped open to get at the hearts is great.
Though even with all the highlights, I cannot say that the movie as a whole is that good. I found pieces of enjoyment but man is it pretty dumb. The jokes are there but none of them are that great or funny. I like the idea of a horror Lethal Weapon but this isn't it. Unless you are a fan of these type of films, then I wouldn't bother with it. A big sigh is all that awaits when the credits start to roll.
A Split/Second Realization
After going through the behind the scenes interviews, I have come away with more information regarding the film in question. So the script was apparently rewritten days before shooting which explains the uneven tone all throughout but the biggest reveal and not surprising in the least was the fact that nobody had an idea on what the fuck the killer should look like.
The monster bent in the design came from the special effect guys with Stephen Norrington leading the charge and looking over the footage again of the ending as well as some scenes throughout the film, I have come to my own conclusion. It seems as though the monster walked in from another film and since it was a film that was on the run low budget, with most likely script rewrites happening on the day of shooting, I think people just didn’t notice and just went with it.
It’s jarring in a way to see that nobody really took the time out to figure out what the fuck the killer should truly look like but from the sounds of how pre-production went, I think that at the moment when Rutger Hauer said ‘I’ll do this.’ was when the money rolled in and they had to start shooting.
Personally as a unlicensed genius, I can give the movie a little more of a recommendation because of that realization. Movie productions seem like the greatest train wrecks waiting to reveal itself and its only in time in which people look back at them with fondness or not and the latter seems to be the case here so I gotta give it a middling thumbs nearly up. If you watch the film and expect the loose chain of logic all throughout to follow through then you’ll be disappointed but get a beer or two and you’ll be fine.
But Let Us Praise
This is a special shout out for the Blu-ray that I bought to actually watch this film. MVD Rewind Collection did a real cool job in releasing it. The movie is what it is but the special features regarding the interviews and the behind the scenes plus a VHS scan of the extended Japanese cut available for watch is pretty cool. If anyone who reads this madness is a fan then give that a buy.
Treat Yo Self Before You Wreck Yourself