It Was Written
And so God said unto thee, "Look dude...just write the fucking review already, alright?"
And so the boy claiming to be a man named Francis Booth looked up towards the heavens and replied, "Alright motherfucker but it ain't going to be Robocop. That ain't ready for the streets but I'll write up the next 4 movies I see in 1 review."
The final reply from the Lord being,"That's what I'm talking about amigo but remember this...I'm coming back for that ass if that Robocop review don't come out soon."
What was Seen is now Written
The plan was set but a fatal flaw that was unseen came to existence. The last 3 out of 4 films I saw were a bit on the lame duck side but a deal is a deal. And when you make a deal with that guy in the sky then you better pay.
The first film up is Cop. It's a film about a cop. More than just your everyday flatfoot cop with moral conundrums or scruples since this is a James Ellroy kind of cop. His cops act on obsession, drug abuse, sex, and believing that Miranda never came to existence and so the only way to get the job done was by having that police issued phone book nearby.
This movie in particular is based off one of his earlier novels called Blood on the Moon. I haven't read this particular novel but if quality is to be determined from the other 7 novels that I got around to reading than it should be one to look out for. Though, unfortunately I might add, that time between movies and other movies and drinking MD 20/20 makes it hard these days to get to reading but I will. Mark these words. Every goddamn one of them. You motherfucker.
Any-who, Miranda is supposedly in effect during this time period of the turbulent late 1980's but there’s one thing Miranda didn't count on...James Wood.
Whether or not the public life of Mr.Woods is up for writing here is a question I can't answer since I don't have social media, nor liberals/conservatives yelling in my face about the morals of certain individuals, and THE INTERNET to actually find out what the fuck the guy has been saying but I can say for certain that I dig the roles he had in films such as Salvador and the fantastical fantastic Once Upon A Time In America.
What is also certain is that Woods can play one real dirty motherfucking cop but how dirty can he be you ask?
After the loving scene of James Woods telling the bedtime story of how he caught a perp to his daughter, he gets a call from his partner saying that they got the address to this suspect they are looking for and for him to head over.
They wait, staking out the place, then the dude shows up in a red car with a chick sitting in his passenger seat. The two cops make their way over then a shoot out happens. Or the more appropriate conclusion is that the perp is EXECUTED ON SIGHT. The woman though is unharmed. The two cops crack jokes and James Woods takes the woman away from the scene of the crime and has his partner deal with the paperwork bullshit while he goes and takes care of the potential witness.
So in Cop, there's a mystery going on. Some people are getting killed, outside of James Woods hands, and he becomes obsessed in trying to figure out who this killer that reads feminist poetry is.
On his journey, he finds out about some other dirty cops and then tries to jump in the sack with the main person of interest though as time goes on, he doesn't seem care too much about her safety and just wants to get to having some fun.
By the end, he finds out she's the reason why the killers been killing and heads to the local high school gymnasium for the ultimate confrontation.
In all honesty, the killer isn't that interesting as a killer nor are his motives and by the end of the movie when he finally appears and is packing an UZI the tension of the movie reaching its final conclusion surpasses the desire of seeing this dirty cop solve the case but the final moments of the film are pretty good.
The killer basically says that even though he knows that he is one crazy ass motherfucker that’s going around killing people in the name of poetry, he also knows that its a cops job to take him alive. James Woods reflects on this for a split second then retorts to the guy that he acknowledges that he is a cop and should take him in but then again, he's suspended and really doesn't give a fuck then fires a couple shots from his shotgun into the killer. The film immediately cuts to credits at the last shot.
It's an alright movie. The mystery isn't interesting nor is the killer but watching James Woods as a dirty cop is fun.
Favorite scene out of the picture is the following: So a woman he had an affair with earlier in the film winds up dead near the end. During that particular scene there is a hint that maybe somebody else was watching them and it turns out it was the killer. So he sends the picture to the cops to try and discredit James Woods and his investigation and the chief takes the photo and goes up to Woods.
"Whats this?" The chief said. Without missing a blink or trying to explain the reasons behind the photo being sent to them, James Woods looks him in the eyes and says "What the fuck does it look like I'm doing?"and continues on his obsessed way.
Maybe not verbatim but the fact that he couldn't give two shits about the photo is the greatest.
Second film that came to be watched is the 1980's adaptation of the Mike Hammer novel I, The Jury. Starring Armand Assante as the title character who starts the film off in the ultimate sleaze move which is him banging the wife that he was hired to follow by the husband. Not only is he in bed with her but he's on the phone with the husband telling him that he's on top of her in that double entendre cool guy scumbag way. Then cut to the intro credits.
These are some of the greatest intro credits to a film that I have ever seen. Or maybe its the greatest intro credits I ever seen in a not so good film. It's done in this animated style and the way they play out with the music is just great. It's probably the best part of the movie. Then the credits come to an end and then you gotta deal with the movie itself.
I haven't read the novel its based on so I can't make those comparisons but man, this movie was a real bore.
The set up for the film is that Mike Hammer's Vietnam buddy gets killed and he goes on the hunt to find whose doing the murdering around murderous 1980's New York City.
Along his journey, he gets involved with a sex therapist working a sex clinic that blackmails people when they are having sex, a killer of woman that kills woman by dressing them up to look his mother before killing them, and a Government conspiracy that’s doing...doing something bad...or something with the blackmail? I forgot.
The movie happened, I was watching and then I forget whatever the fuck went on instantly.
There are some pretty good moments throughout but its the sum of all its parts that doesn't add up to much. To anything. If there was one mystery that was solved it was learning how much Mike Hammer was getting laid. I didn't even know that character had a dick. I thought he had gotten a .45 surgical attached to his crotch for those just in case emergencies.
Or the other theory was that he killed people out of sexual frustration. That the only boners he was getting were when he was filling up people with lead. That’s besides the point though. You are better off watching the credits and passing on the movie. Third film up is Big Wednesday.
You know, I enjoyed the film. John Milius, the director, has always been the kind of guy that made films that always has something enjoyable in them but sometimes it was rare, at least for me, to say that I enjoyed the entire picture. There are a few of his movies that I definitely enjoy.
Conan The Barbarian is great and possibly the greatest fantasy film to ever be made. If Lord of the Rings was to be the retort that a reader would say with a snort as to the greatest fantasy film then you can go take those fucking big ass hairy hobbit feet and get to stepping while enjoying your valid opinion. I can respect it but I don't like it. Or you. And I mean YOU motherfucker.
Any-who, another enjoyable film of his is The Wind and The Lion. Sean Connery as an Arab and Brian Keith as Teddy Roosevelt makes a pretty great film. A real throwback to those historical adventure films that Hollywood was churning by the dozen alongside westerns. But this isn't about the hits but about the almost.
Back to Big Wednesday. The film follows a group of surfers who suffer through the times that they live. Finding themselves unable to discover what they truly desire out of life, their lack of understanding that the years beyond youth are ones that cause far more trouble than they could ever imagine, and finally having to face the truth that even though the soul yearns for that big wave... the body ain't up to the challenge of taking the big crash that comes with it.
The highs and lows of the surfer are shown and its mostly my own personal loathing of the beach that causes me to be unable to truly enjoy the film but man, am I envious of these motherfuckers surfing those waves.
Out of the film though, there is one truly great scene in this film that I have not seen in other film that deals with Vietnam at home.
The Vietnam War was in full effect and all the boys were getting draft cards to head over seas and stop the Communist threat from playing dominoes with other countries. So during this section of the movie, the surfers get their cards and head out to this auditorium where its a massive amount of young people getting checked to see if they were army eligible.
Before these surfers join in, they set about sabotaging themselves from getting drafted. One of them becomes a Nazi, another becomes a flamboyant gay man, one of the surfers wears this metal brace and has one of the guys beat his knee with a golf club in order to get some bone sticking out or something but it looks rough. Then there's Gary Busey. Gary Busey ends up going the crazy route. Wearing damaged and dirt embedded clothes, soaking himself with whiskey, and yelling randomly whatever pops into his head.
They join the line and get to their meetings. The Nazi gets himself pulled out of the rotation and thrown out into the street. The Surfer with the metal brace manages to fool the doctors to get dismissed. The flamboyant gay man doesn't get a pass and ends up being signed up to go on the spot. Then there’s Gary Busey.
He starts flipping and Hulking out on the spot, breaking through doors and causing such a scene that he ends up getting shipped off to a mental hospital. There was one other surfer though who wasn’t part of the group. He believed the whole deal and gets himself shipped off to the war to fight for…Capitalism? I don’t know but he went overseas.
That scene, though fictional and probably bigger in a dramatic way than what it was back then, was a real entertaining, unexpected and eye opening understanding to how fucking weird the draft was back in the day. I've read and heard stories of people doing everything they can to avoid the draft, the easiest being to join the national guard and the other way is going the Gary Busey way, and this scene is just another shade of that truth.
Big Wednesday isn't for me but for those that enjoy the beach and that ultimate place of despair known as the Pacific Ocean then you might enjoy this.
Now those were the ones I saw and felt a tinge of bummer after watching. That bummer of course always being that I wish I could like the movie more so than I do but there was a 4th film that came to be seen. One I truly enjoyed. It was a TV movie called The Jericho Mile.
Back in the days when TV was in the business of making the movie of the week and on another note of fact for this particular TV film is that its the directorial debut of Michael Mann. The guy that went on to direct great films such as Thief, Heat, Public Enemies, and that misunderstood film Miami Vice.
This film is about this prisoner named Larry Murphy (Peter Strauss) that runs. He's a Running Man and no longer a man on the run since he's stuck inside Folsom. He ain't got time to mess with them prison politics or get stuck on some jive trip because all he's gots for himself is the will to run.
He's running so fast that the officials take notice and put his running to the test. Soon enough, some running officials show up and say he's got the talent to make a run for the Olympics.
While all this running is going on, his buddy Stiles (Richard Lawson), his training partner and cell neighbor, is trying to get himself a conjugal visit to get with his old lady. He just had himself a daughter and wants to know all about her but he needs a favor to get that visit sooner than 3 months.
Except the only person that could help him is a dude from the Aryan Brotherhood. Dr. D (Brian Dennehy) Prison politics makes this a rough deal between a Black and White man but they make a deal that sounds too good to be true but he just wants to see his old lady again so he makes it.
The Running Man keeps on doing his thang and gets himself enough attention from personal to try and figure out a way to get him a tryout for the Olympics.
His buddy gets his visit and he's feeling good until the woman that shows up isn't his wife. Turns out he's been set up for a drug mule and he ain't happy about being no mule. He makes a scene then leaves while the woman gets caught with the drugs. Aryan Brotherhood ain't happy and they set up a hit.
The Running Man catches wind and tells him to get off the main line but his amigo is saying he don't know if he could do time in the hole. The Running Man gets him fired up to take the solitary confinement time and they set up a plan but it goes sideways when the Aryans put a lock on the Running Mans cell. His buddy leaves right when the cells open and doesn't notice he's alone till its too late. He gets surrounded and shivs start sticking and he ends up dead. The Running Man busts the lock and makes his way to the too late scene and grieves.
He asks the warden for a favor and gets himself some alone time in the work room. The Aryans get sent out while mean mugging him but they don’t get a chance to see that he found their stack of cash until the Running Man makes a scene to burn it all.
The Black Brotherhood catches wind about the hit and confront the Aryans. Dr.D sees his chance and says that the Running Man set the dead man up.
All the while, the Running Man can't do nothing but keep running but a problem happens. He can't tryout for the Olympics because he can't get furloughed. He's gotta race on an official track but the only way that could happen is if they build the track in the prison yard.
The warden lets the prisoners know what the deal is and the Mexicans show up to give the Running Man a hand but the Aryans block off the yard with a picket line. Political they tell them and the Mexicans ain't trying to cross no picket line so they go back to doing their own thang.
The leader of the Black Brotherhood gets a private meeting with the Running Man and start beating on him. The Running Man shows some heart but he ain't got the juice to take man on. They all see he won't stop taking a beating and start asking why he's playing a fool and The Running Man says that he talked bad about his friend. His brother. He can't have that and the Brotherhood realizes that the Aryans got one over on them.
The Brotherhood meets up with the Mexicans and they both realize they’ve been duped and go out to help build the track.
Confrontation leads to escalation then violence erupts leaving the Aryans on the ground injured and everyone else scattering.
The Running Man eats his food alone but then as one prisoner leaves, he drops off his chicken for him. Then another and another. Soon he starts getting enough food from his fellow prisoners to help get his strength up all the while the track starts getting built.
The day of the qualifier. The Running Man races the other runners some officials brought in and smokes them on the track. Everyone cheers but the officials don't trust him. They don't think a prisoner is a good representation of these United States and the Running Man gets sent back to Folsom. High and dry but he keeps running.
Days later, he hears about the almost breaking of the world record and sets about to prove to himself that he's the fastest. Ain’t no one to prove it to but himself.
He goes to his cell and gets his track shoes one and every starts to crowd the track. He gets himself set, gets himself ready, then he goes. Running and running all the while the prisoners around stand on the sideline to cheer him on and this Running Man pushes himself to the limit to break that record.
Crossing the finish line with everyone cheering at his success. He throws the stopwatch he had in hand into the sky and it crashes into a million pieces on the wall.
I really liked this one. Obviously the limitations are present from the get go. The biggest one being the language. They talk a smooth talk but you can tell that this was a PG rated prison movie. One the whole family could enjoy.
It’s a bit flat in the overall look but the images that are shown are strong enough to overcome this problem. Shots of prisoners just existing in this sealed off world are great. The acting is great through and through with it going beyond that TV acting and seeming to actually have people invested in their characters. Especially Brian Dennehy.
The weird spots are the moments of when a commercial break was supposed to pop in with the fade out then in but that's not a deal breaker. Solid stuff all around. I just wish there was more here to make it a review by itself.
There It’s Written, Get Off My Back
God asked and I answered but he still holds Robocop over me like the guillotine over Marie Antoinette. Chew this over till then O Lord.