How One Becomes Acquainted with The Rambo.
His name is Rambo. John Jameson Joseph Johnny Rambo. The main character of all the Rambo films of which there are 5 of them. How many of them are good? Hard to say but using what’s left in the memory banks, let’s take a look:
Rambo: First Blood
What I remember is that Rambo was just heading north and started butting heads with this small town sheriff who didn’t give a shit about this wandering Vietnam veteran. Ultimately trouble arises and reaches the point of all the small time sheriff’s arresting and beating Rambo up. Rambo, suffering from a major case of PTSD, reacts violently in self defense and makes his escape into the woods. Letting those small town sheriffs know that they got themselves into some real trouble. Big Trouble in Little Oregon Town.
I remember this one being really great. Rambo just trying to get by and reacting the way he did was valid to the circumstances he found himself stuck in and ultimately his emotional explosion at the end, one that might be tough to understand through the high emotion and the Stallone method of speaking, as well as his arrest was the only sensible way to end that particular story. A solid film all the way.
Rambo: First Blood Pt.2
Not the poster but it seems fitting enough
I remember enjoying it as a kid because of how insane it was. It was the first time I saw a man explode from a exploding tipped arrow. Years later, I would re-watch it with friends in high school and we would all laugh uproariously throughout. Mimicking the ending scene of Rambo shooting up Murdoch’s office with a machine gun and screaming. I can’t remember for shit what the plot was but this was the first real taste of Rambo murdering people in extremely insane ways. Maybe it’s good?
Rambo: First Blood Pt.3
Never seen it. I know it deals with Russians. That’s about it.
Rambo
Pretty much the Poster
When the first trailer came out back in those 240p days, a time where 720p wasn’t even a twinkle in anyone’s eye, people thought they saw Rambo appear out of thin air behind a man and then went about punching his head off. That would have been cool if true but alas, it was not to be true. He just ended up slicing his head off then mounting behind a 50 caliber machine gun to kill even more people.
That’s about all I remember about this movie. A lot of people getting shot. Also, there’s a scene where Burmese soldiers throw land mines in brown water and take bets on whether or not the prisoner that was going to run through would make it or not. Can’t remember much else about it. File it under ‘Maybe it’s good?’
And Now
We come to the present with the recently released final Rambo film entitled Last Blood. Having just came out...i think last year? I can't remember when it came out but I know its been out for some time because I was at the video store when I saw the cover to it. Immediately feeling threatened by Stallone and his massive forearms staring at me to let me know that this was the last blood.
Before this fear, the film had only been in my peripheral vision from two events.
The first being when I first saw the trailer. It didn't look particularly interesting but that could have been influenced from the use of Old Town Road by Lil Nas X as the trailer music. Either way, it was stored into my head as another Rambo film.
The second time I heard of its existence was when I went to a locally owned music store. A pretty cool one since the owner is a dude that plays movies on his own personal film projector in the back of the store. I haven't been able to include myself in said screenings since I am unable to meet strangers and socialize. A character flaw of the highest order but it did leave me time enough to become skillful in observing and eavesdropping like a true undercover NARC.
On this particular day, I was sorting through the used records, happening to come across and pick up the Isaac Hayes record …To Be Continued so it was a good day, when I heard a loud conversation between three people at a nearby table.
Two were young guys playing Magic the Gathering while the third was an older man. Possibly a lonely fella and was in need to connect with the young kids to feel hip again. Or just to be heard. Either way, the subject of Last Blood came up. Excitement grew as they talked more and more about the film with one of those young dudes remarking,
”This is Stallone going back to the beginning. This is going to be a Rambo like that first one.”
I didn’t know how to understand such a statement. Was I to believe what this young dreamer had said? Or was I to believe what I always believed when it comes to statements such as this; that is one dumbass thing to say. I was hoping to believe him. To have faith in the youth.
But that was the last time I heard about the movie until Stallone silently threatened me with his giant forearms and I knew right then and there that I had to pay the piper.
With Arms Like Those I could Probably Do Something A Strong Man Can Do.
It was only two dollars and change since it was a recently released film but was it worth the price? Only the film could ever have the answer.
John Jangle Jingenheimer Rambo: First Blood Part 5: The Last Blood The Movie
Rambo music then RAMBO LAST BLOOD title card.
Opening Scene. A farm.
Rambo be medication pill popping. Riding horses. Doctored photos of Stallone in Army Apparel. Rambo got himself settled down. No more do the horrors of the Vietnam War haunt him. Or the Russians. Or that small town in Oregon. Or Burma.
Built himself some underground tunnels. Spoke too soon. Vietnam still in his brain. Flashbacks of the Vietnam variety.
A forge in the super underground tunnels. His niece, one that was probably never mentioned before until right now, shows up right when he finishes making a ready to kill letter opener for her then she breaks Rambo's heart by telling him that no one writes letters anymore.
Niece about to go to some party and Rambo says why doesn’t she just have the party at the Rambo house. Rambo Death Stare scares the boys away she says. That’s why they don't have any parties at Rambo's.
Rambo invites his niece and her friends to go in his underground tunnel and she's stoked. Party in the tunnel. Niece has a secret phone call. She needs to talk to Rambo about Mexico. She found her father. Secret phone call turns out to be her finding out her father exists.
Niece needs to reconcile with her father through an emotional conversation but Rambo just says Mexico sucks and her father sucks even more. Tells her to calm down, grow up, and think this shit out but she ain't got time to think. She has to find out why her father left her and her dying mother. Apparently her dad is just a well known asshole to everyone but the daughter thinks she needs to confirm it. Apparently, her aunt says that her friend Gizzelle, the person on the other end of the secret phone call, sucks too and we find out even more information about her dad being more of an asshole.
The niece says she won't go to Mexico to find her father. She apologizes as Rambo brushes a horse and everything seems cool.
That lying bitch of a niece. She drives straight to the border of....I don't know what state they are in. Texas? I'm gonna say Texas. They sure do make Mexico look like a stinking stink hole of stink. Nothing but trouble.
The niece knocks on a door and a Chola chick answers. This Gizzelle chick sucks even more so in person but offers to take her to see her father.
His Rambo senses are tingling as his niece goes to see her father.
"Go on. Get your daddy, girl." is what Gizzelle says to hype the niece to go into a scary Mexico apartment building. She knocks on the door and some woman answers then her dad intervenes. You find out the name of the niece is Gabriela. She needs to talk to him. He just adds on the creep factor.
"Why did you leave us?"
The dad says he never gave a shit about her and came to the conclusion that he was wasting time being with a daughter he never wanted. Not the answer she was looking for but she got answers.
She cries and the chola chick says she'll help cheer her up. They hit the club. Dude trying to spit game then roofies her drink when she ain’t looking.
The next day.
Rambo learns that she went missing. In Mexico. Cops in Mexico don't do shit he says so he has to go down and get her back the American way. Through murder probably. Popping pills on the drive there. Sex slave stuff is going on. Here's what happens to the dogs that runaway the sex trade officer says. I don't know what happens but it seems bad.
Rambo in Mexico by nightfall. Rambo don't play when facing the shitty father who says he don't know nothing. Can't even look him in the eye. Rambo terror but alas, no information. No more pills as he slams the prescription bottle to the floor. Rambo interrogates Chola Chick Gizzelle.
Rambo asks simple questions and she sweating like a whore in church. Rambo don't play. Knife to the table to show he means business but it never enters a skull…yet.
She takes him to the club and complains. His response to her worries being catch a bullet or show me those Mexicans. Rambo in the club. No time to party. She points out the man and Rambo watches the man who roofied the drink. He sticks out like a sore thumb but no one notices. Except some lady at the bar.
Rambo meets him in the parking lot. The man calls his niece a bitch. Uh Oh. Knife to the thigh. Shoves his finger into a hole in the guys shoulder and BREAKS A BONE WITH HIS THUMB AND FOREFINGER.
Cut To: Sex slave boss saying they gotta fuck till they say stop. An average of 40 to 50 guys they gotta have sex with so she tells them they better stretch.
Rambo finds the sex slave house. Dungeon? Never mind, just the guys that are running it. Rambo gets spotted. Main bad guy has some terrific hair. Rambo spots the spotter. Getting cornered. Everyone is going to go up against Rambo. Got him in a circle. Take away his gun and knife. Compliments on the knife.
They take his ID and reveal that the state of Arizona is where he's from. Rambo makes a move and all guns point at him. Stare off between long hair bosses and Rambo. Knife slice to the face then they all start to stomp out Rambo.
Juanito Rambo the main boss man says.
The girls he has as sex slaves are just things he says. He was just going to train her, use her, and sell her off but now they gotta make an example out of the niece. He's gonna let Rambo live in order to think about what he's done. Give him the Scarface special the boss man said. Giant V on his face. Mission Failed Rambo.
The woman that spotted him in the club and watched him BREAK A MAN’S SHOULDER BONE WITH HIS THUMB AND FORFINGER helps him out and takes him someplace safe. Knife slicing boss man asks who John Rambo is to Gabriela. Surprise heroin injection to help ease the Scarface special he gives her. Doctor helps Rambo and declares that he'll be fine in a couple days.
Days pass. Mexican cocaine on the table. Sex slave niece. Aunt sitting alone on the kitchen table. More heroin injections. Aunt sitting on the rocking chair on the front porch. More heroin injections and sex slave bummer happening. Days pass montage over.
The woman arrives home to see Rambo sitting in a chair. The woman tells him that El Flaco was the guy that got his SHOULDER BONE BROKEN BY RAMBOS THUMB AND FORFINGER. The Martinez brothers are the main bad guys. Independent journalist gives her backstory but all Rambo wants is the address so he can start the killing already.
Mission accepted.
He enters a brothel. Hammer to the throat and head and the neck leave three men dead. Killed a John then another then another. Hammer to the nuts to one guy. His nuts explode and blood everywhere. John finds his niece. Rambo discovers the track marks on her arms and the Scarface special on her face.
Mission complete.
Martinez brothers know its Rambo that did the hammering. The niece apologizes and he says not to worry while, most likely, thinking to himself, “I'll kill them all in no time.”
Rambo keeps her awake by boring her about her amazing horse riding. Emotional Rambo, this kind of works for the character so I can't shit on it until uh oh. She died. Right after he tells her she was the last good that the world had to offer. Rambo cries. Blaming God for taking her and not him. Drives through a barb-wired fence and enters America. Rambo breaks the news to the aunt. Rambo had a niece for almost a whole hour running time before dying. The most time he’s ever had of an emotional bond when it came to a woman.
Rambo says he's going to roam the Earth again. Finding his place never again as the Aunt leaves saying she'll feel sad till she dies. As though her heart had been ripped out of her.
The check list for the following montage:
Planning.
Lifting.
Digging.
Pouring gasoline.
Booby trapping.
Grinding re-bar for Vietnam jungle traps 2.0.
Sawed off shotguns.
Rambo music kicking in.
Sharpening wooden poles.
Finely sharpened arrow heads.
Nails on boards.
Looking down the sights of gun.
Bow and arrow of DEATH.
More Booby trapping.
Man, he sure is planning on killing.
Bow and Arrow of DEATH target practice. Bulls eye every time.
Rambo heads back to Mexico to the house of the woman that helped him. Asks for some more of her help. Emotional scene about Rambo saying he wants revenge. Something about them wanting them to feel their grief. To kill every last one of them. Rambo style.
Mission Accepted.
Rambo finds the location. Knife to the throat of one bodyguard then a whole lot of stabs to the body. Flying knife to the back of the neck for another guard who then turns around and gets a flying knife to the heart. Knife to the chest for the inside guard then Rambo turns him around and stabs him a couple more times in the back, Micheal Myers style. The Martinez brother in the shower at his most vulnerable.
The Next day.
The last Martinez brother checks out the murder scene to see his bloody brother without a head. At that same moment, Rambo chucks the missing head out of his truck.
Mission complete. The title of the movie shifts now to the following:
Home Alone 8: The Real Trap is Set
Underground drug tunnel convoy to Arizona to kill the Rambo. Rambo frees some horses and sharpens more knives as the Cartel Convoy drive in a fleet of SUV's to kill the Rambo. He pays respect to his niece. One last time.
The SUV’s drive towards the house. One of them sets off a gasoline trail but that won't stop these blood thirsty individuals. One enters the house to get shot by the bow and arrow of DEATH booby trap. Then Gasoline trap. People burn alive then Rambo uses bullets to finish them off.
Into the tunnels they go. The Blu-ray I had rented freezes as Rambo runs through the tunnels but I suspect he killed some people in the minute or two that I missed. Next thing I see are people dying from gunfire from the sawed-off shotgun. Hole in the wall equals spear to the eye then he slices off a persons foot to make them fall and stabs them in the throat.
The Doors start to play as he uses a machete to slice a man’s heads off. Booby traps go off. Everyone dying. Super shotgun bullets send them flying. Everyone dying some more. Machine gun fire into the already dead bodies laying in the through the floor spikes. Knife throws to the chest. Rambo freezes up and doesn't shoot the Martinez brother. Headshot to another man. Guy runs into death trap. Man explodes by grenade. Mans face is eviscerated by spikes entering and demolishing 85% of his face. Axe to the stomach. Man steps on a landmine. Men buried alive but Rambo catches some bullets to the stomach.
The Last Martinez brother chases him and shoots a bullet into Rambo's shoulder.
Rambo turns off the lights.
"No, fuck you dead man." Rambo says to Martinez.
Rambo threatens to tear out his heart. Fingers crossed that this promise comes through.
Rambo blows up the tunnels and this must be a everyday thing in Arizona since no cops or anybody has come in to check out the possible noise complaints.
Final battle in the barn. Not much of one as Rambo fires four shots from the bow of DEATH to have Martinez trapped to the wall. Rambo pulls out the Rambo knife. Rambo keeps his promise.
The heart is STILL BEATING in his hand.
Rambo leaves the barn and stumbles his way to his front porch. Bleeding to death as he sits on his rocking chair and sees the damage he’s done. Giving himself a final monologue about everyone he loved being a ghost and how he’ll fight forever to keep the memory of his family alive.
Then a weird credit montage of clips from the other 4 Rambo films that give absolutely zero coherent connection to what the fuck I just saw except that you can see Stallone get older. Then following right after Rambo 4: The Almost Last Blood clips are the highlights of the movie you just saw with the last image being a freeze frame of Rambo riding off on a horse.
Understanding The John Jacob Jaeger Rambo The Blood That Is Last
I have no faith in the youth. Or at least the Magic the Gathering playing youth.
If there is one thing you can say about this movie, its that its a movie. Your mileage may vary on whether or not you can call it a good movie. I don't think its a terrible movie because I was entertained, for the most part. Or maybe just the last 30 minutes were entertaining. Can’t really remember much else about the movie because the story sure wasn't great.
The subject matter it was trying to deal with is in no way being reflected as anything other than a means to an ends. It’s like a game of Madlibs. You just fill in the spaces for bad guys and the predicament the niece gets in then fill in the rest of the plot in such a way that you can someway justify having this final insane action sequence at the end of the film taking place at a barn.
If there is a best way to watch this movie then its through the lens of an exploitation movie. Stuff you would see out of low budget world of trying to make a buck over something happening in the real world. I’m sure the makers of this particular film don’t want to sell it as that because they want to be trying to say something important or say something that matters but in no way can the film genuinely be seen as having achieved that goal. It just follows the old age system of taking something that is circulating in the news or something that’s relevant and interpreting into a story that could be used to make a commercial story.
This time it’s Rambo’s turn to face the terrors of sex trafficking and cartels with the only way that Rambo knows how to deal with any situation he finds himself in. With murder.
It's a real bummer in a way to see how this John Rambo character that came out of that small sub-genre of 'coming home from Vietnam' films’, Rolling Thunder being another film out of the genre that is just FANTASTIC, who was just a dude that came back and couldn't function in society after going through what he went through. Becoming this lonesome drifter who tried to mind his own until finally getting fucked around with and having to react when getting pushed too far.
‘Isn’t that just the same situation here?’ Said Cornelius the Conscious. Interrupting the reviewers train of thought.
‘Sort of but not in a well done way.’
They try to push this emotional connection to a family that never existed before this movie and the audience are grasping at straws having to deal with this forced down the throat emotional connection that just doesn’t work. Making any scene that has any emotional resonance, which there are a lot that try to do so, fall flat. Into a Vietnam death trap. Leaving the viewer puzzled and bored until that final thirty minutes.
I think that’s what kept me watching. Just waiting for when Rambo was going to go off. And he goes off and ultimately this film leaves you with the memory of a not so great action movie. As well as a piece of drama that isn’t good either. Maybe it is a bad movie. Even terrible.
The most interesting thought that came to mind as the credits rolled was that the film seems to follow the opposite structure of a horror movie. In a true blue horror movie, its 30 minutes for set up and 60 minutes of horror and scares. With this film though its 60 minutes of set up to 30 minutes of action. It’s a real weird thing to see and possibly the only thing of merit I could take away from the 90 minute or so running time.
The Last Words
It's watchable if you're not looking for anything remotely serious in your entertainment but its a real bad ending to a character that had such humble and serious implications in the beginning 40 something years ago.
There’s no rhyme or reason why this couldn’t have been a good movie. Stallone is at the point in his career to where he could make whatever type of action movie he wants to make. No matter how terrible they are. Just look at those Expendable movies. Truly terrible yet there’s 3 of them. With a star cast. Escape Plan. Another trilogy of ass with a star studded cast.
This being a beloved character, or at least one that had four movies before it, then there should have been something more worthwhile to explore with ending his story but it seems that just wasn’t what interested the filmmakers. There was nothing on that checklist that had ‘emotional resonance to say goodbye to a character’. Must have lost space when figuring out the different ways to kill people in the last 30 minutes.
It’s not like it would be a first time. Stallone did it with Rocky Balboa which though wasn’t necessarily the end of the character since those two Creed movies came out, it was a great end to the character’s involvement in having to get in the ring one last time and never again. A real solid end to that characters arc. Rambo apparently doesn’t deserve the same cinematic conclusion though. All this contemplating has lead me to just one question in which I still have to answer.
What the fuck happened during those first four movies to reach this conclusion? Working with only the remnants of an alcohol burned memory offers very little in being able to truly answer that question. I must travel back to that store of the videos and rent those other four Rambo movies. Only there lies the possibility of an answer, a reason, a here’s why but of course I must go during a weekday to utilize the rent two get one free deal.
There’s really not much else to say. People get killed. In a lot of ridiculously over the top ways. Any scenes with emotion or that try to achieve some sense of emotion are only there to have Rambo say something equally emotionally hollow to then lead to the conclusion that requires Rambo to solve in the only way he knows how. To murder everybody in the last half hour then cut out someone’s still beating heart. It’s just this happens to be the last time he’ll kill everybody then cut someone’s still beating heart out.
The 3 Movies That Are Similar But Better Than Blood Final Rambo
When watching this film,three other movies came to mind that I should be watching those instead of this. Movies that deal with the same material of revenge but just better. There are a lot of films that deal with that subject matter and its possible, most likely, that there are others that fit better on this short list but like I said, these came up when I was watching this so why not look for one of these three instead of watching this one.
1. Taken (2008)
Sure there is some inherent goofiness like a 18 year old wanting to follow U2 on tour throughout Europe. Or a 18 year old wanting a bad karaoke machine. Or the fact that when Liam Neeson talks on the phone to the kidnapper that he unplugs the recorder and then later on the movie he listens over and over to the bad guy saying ’good luck’ even though he technically never recorded it. But it deals with a similar situation except it’s more of an actual thriller that thrills instead of you waiting to see how Liam Neeson was going to mess some fools up. I mean, you still wait for how he goes about messing fools up but it also thrills you in the space between. You should go see that.
2. Revenge (1990)
One of the two Tony Scott films on the list. This underrated and hardly seen Kevin Costner flick is FANTASTIC. Deals with the whole notion of what revenge is and the journey of achieving it and other such important matters and when that ending comes along…oh man, what a fucking great movie this is. It’s not an action packed piece of action revenge but an actual drama that takes its material serious. Give either the theatrical or directors cut a watch, both are great, and if you have time then you should go read the Jim Harrison novella its based on. That's great as well.
3. Man on Fire (2004)
The other Tony Scott film and possibly one of the top 3 revenge films of all time. Just absolutely fantastic with the frenetic style that Scott started to use and would continue on using in his other films and just the overall mood that the film manages to succeed in accomplishing. This movie has one of those few main characters that has this emotional arc of redemption that you are totally involved in from the beginning, I mean Denzel at rock bottom and suicidal to born again and human, then when the only good thing in his life is taken away and he goes about getting revenge, you cheer in joy on his journey for revenge. A real well done proper revenge movie.